Moving and Faithfulness

I haven't blogged in SO long! I started this with the intent of blogging often about what I'm learning, etc. but as usual school and life is crazy and busy and I just didn't. So oh well :)


But I am currently inspired to write about the happenings in my life right now because a lot has happened and a lot is about to happen! And, I'm excited. To be honest, it's taken me a bit to get to this point of "I'm excited". It's been more like 

70% "uhhh...what. real life? adult? moving? helllp!"

 and 30% "yeah! this rocks!"

However, now it's pretty much all "This rocks because Jesus is so faithful in every step and He for sure will be in this one too!" and maybe a dash of anxiety ;-)


So if you don't already know, three weeks ago I graduated from Harcum College with my Associates Degree in Allied Health Sciences- and more specifically Dental Hygiene. Graduating from this program felt one million times better than I ever thought it would. I remember being a year under those who graduated before me and thinking, "Man, I can't WAIT for that day." and then being depressed that it wasn't coming sooner. And then I blinked. And it was here. And now it's over. I'm sorry but let's just take a moment to say WHAAT! That's how I feel when I think about how quickly this two year program went by. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm so thankful I did it and I love what I learned. I  can't wait to get a real job doing something I genuinely have a passion for and learning even more about it as the years go on. If you are interested in dental hygiene and live in the Philadelphia area- seriously go to Harcum. No, not for the food (it's awful). No, not for the campus atmosphere (it's REALLY high-school ish and dull) and no, not for the amazing parking spots that you find all the time and courteous staff in the library and book store (sarcasm!). But the education in the DENTAL department is in my mind unmatchable. I always felt cared about. I had teachers that would continuously meet with me on their lunch break. It was a small group in my program (30 of us) and I liked that because I like not feeling like a number. The faculty (particularly the full-time faculty) really did provide me with an education that I feel has prepared me for my field as much as they could. Sure, sometimes I felt like it punched me in the face and knocked me down for days because I studied so hard I barely slept and felt nauseous (too much?), but hey, what's college without sleepless nights and nausea? No college I ever heard of! ;-)
And not to mention, I made some amazing friends that made going through these two years of academic stress not as bad because we were all always in the same boat.


The next step in my life is moving! In 2.5 weeks (on the 17th of June) I am moving about 400 miles away to Portland, Maine! For a little over a year and a half my boyfriend, Geoff and I have been in a long distance relationship (He, in Maine. I, here in Philly). It's been wonderful but it's been hard being that far away from my best friend and my love. So we both decided, with prayer and counsel, that the next step would be that after I graduate to move up there where he is. Two amazingly gracious and awesome people from Geoff's church are going to be hosting me in their home and I even have a temporary dental hygiene job lined up to take a hygienist's maternity leave for ten weeks! God has blessed the planning of this move in so many ways and I'm so thankful.
One of the most common questions I get asked (often critically and rudely, may I add) is "why isn't Geoff moving here?". The most important answer to that question revolves around where both Geoff and I feel Jesus is calling us in the future. Geoff and I met in Montreal in the Summer of 2008 on a mission trip. Through various visits back to my, and his, favorite city (Montreal), God had placed a calling on my heart to be apart of what Jesus wants to do there. On the same hand, Jesus placed that same calling in Geoff's heart. We both would love to and feel called to move there one day and be apart of what Jesus is doing. If you want to know more about what He is doing right now there (amazing things!), check out the church plant that Geoff and I will eventually be a part of when we go! (whenever that may be!) It's called initiative 22 and is lead by Geoff and I's friends Dwight and his wife Jess. They also have two adorable sons :-) Check it out Here.  
So simply put, Geoff moving to Philly would be both geographically and logically going backwards in this goal that we have for our future(s) in Montreal. We're both really excited to see what Jesus does from here on out.

And so now, I'm in that weird stage of "I'm really done school for the rest of my life." and "crap, I don't have anything planned out for me anymore?". That whole feeling kind of knocked me off my feet the first few weeks but sometimes that is when I'm pushed most towards the one I know who never changes even when everything else around me is. Jesus. Oh, what a friend I have in my savior, Jesus. He is my rock and my confidant. He is who unites me and some of my closest friends with the strongest bond that can't be broken because we're united in Christ. He has never left me and it took me awhile  to get to this point of rest in Him for this stage but He has brought to a place of peace. A place where I can say and truly believe :

 Jesus is faithful. He always has been and he always will be. This next step in my life is no different for Him. He will be faithful to the end.

Lamentations 3:22-23
" Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

I'm so thankful that even though I change, things change, and life changes, He is always faithful.

So here's to the next step (or large leap)! :)

-Jillian

Beautifully Broken

Before I write, forgive me. Because I haven't written in a while and as a dental hygiene student, I find that when I try to write a formal type of anything, I struggle immensely because I'm so used to writing little "cliff-notes" and no full sentences.  I even find myself skipping words when talking sometimes...Sounds weird, but it's so true! I miss the days where I could just flow in my writing. Curse you, Dental hygiene school. (just kiddin ;)

Lately I've been going through a lot with Jesus and feel the need to kind of let some of it out. By "going through a lot", I don't mean I'm going through turmoil or some type of big struggle, but I guess I just mean He is growing me, teaching me, and proving himself faithful (like always) in a very significant way lately. Tonight at church I really just felt broken. But not in a negative way, rather in a refreshing way. In a way that brings me to a place where I realize I really cannot do any of this life on my own. Between college, relationships, family-life, and just everything, it's so easy to get into this mode where I'm all "I got this." It never lasts long though, because when I don't put Jesus first and let him guide me every day, I feel it. I get overwhelmed and the weakest parts of me come out. Next to the gospel, one of the most significant truth's in my life is this:
                  "If you aren't filling your life with truth, you will be filled with lies."
I can't exactly quote that because I've heard it in many different ways, from many different people. But regardless, it is ridiculously true. I could use so many examples here but I'm just going to keep it in general for now. I realize more and more that if I'm not letting God's truth and hope fill me up on a daily basis, not only am I not going to grow, but I'm not going to stay in one place either. I'm going to reverse (for lack of a better word..). I'm impatient, unkind, easily angered, selfish (very), and I believe lies that, when I look back on them after refreshing my heart in Jesus, I wonder why I even spent so much of my heart and time on them.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who makes us new continually. I'm so thankful I serve a God who never gives up on me. and I'm so very thankful I serve a God who meets me where I'm at (like He did tonight), refreshes my heart, and reminds me that when I'm beautifully broken in his hands, I'm right where I should be.

Learning that no, "I don't got this.",
Jillian

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge HIM. and He will direct your paths.

upheld

Oh, sweet summertime. I'm writing this as I sit outside on the deck, in the sunshine, and just spending time with Jesus. When I was younger, I used to love when people would tell me that they were amazed by nature and how we serve such a creative God who made it all. I loved hearing that, but I never understood it or felt it, like they did.  Until lately. I'm starting to feel what they felt and know what they mean. I love the beautiful sunshine and green grass and even the Summer nighttime thunderstorms.
          Even though I have school basically this entire Summer, it's not nearly as intense as a regular semester and I haven't been hating it too much :) Especially today, Thursdays, because I only have class 11-1, and then freeeedom. There are also a few four-five day weekends I have mixed throughout my summer, so that rocks. Can't believe I graduate in less than a year. That'll be one of the best days ever. "Keep pushing, keep going...." School is so hard and takes so much effort. But I know my work is not just for myself but can and should be used to glorify God. and that is a huge part of my motivation.
         Today I was in Isaiah 41. I read Isaiah 41:10 and it struck me that I had read this before. A lot of times. There was a memory associated with it but I couldn't remember what....until it came to me. This verse, I would literally say to myself over and over and over again for the 25-30 minutes during each 5K cross country race in high school. I even used to put it to a song that matched my running rhythm.
       "Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you and I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10
      This verse brings me such encouragement. It's literally like nourishment for my soul. I remember running and feeling like I was going to just keel over and die (no, but literally hahah), and hearing "I will help you, I will UPHOLD you...Keep going...Keep going..." That imagery of just being upheld, not in a vain, make-me-better sense but in a desperate, I NEED that help and upholding because without it I am a mess, is incredible. I need this verse every day. I need the reminder to not fear, for my God is with me. That he will strengthen me because I'm weak. That he will help me because I'm desperate and I want and I need His help. and that he will UPHOLD me with his righteous right hand because apart from Him I am down. And I pray He would help me to use His strength, his help and his upholding of me to make much of Him, and less of myself.
Because of Jesus, I am upheld.
and p.s.- if you say "upheld" enough, it sounds like it's not a word. I had to google it, just in case.

Don't

"Don't let your worship decline to the performance of mere duty. Don't let the child-like awe and wonder be choked out by unbiblical views of virtue. Don't let the scenery and poetry and music of your relationship with God shrivel up and die. You have capacities for joy you can scarcely imagine."
-John Piper, "Desiring God"

I love this. What a challenging , convicting, and beautiful statement. Jesus, help my worship not to decline to duty. Give me child-like faith, and continue to help me fight for the joy that only you provide.

Why?

So I'm in Maine right now visiting my boyfriend Geoffrey. It's so exciting to be here. Most of all, it's a blessing to get to just hang out with him and his friends and church family for the week. But it's also a really cool time to "get away" from home and my thoughts and busyness (sp?). He's at work right now till 9, so it gave me some time to spend with my Jesus.

Seriously, I love Jesus. There is so much in my life I have to be thankful for and there are things and people that are  just amazing treasures to me. But when I really think about my life, and evaluate the stages I've been through, and in, and just everything....the SWEETEST times in my life are those spent with Him. I'm just completely in love with my King Jesus.

but why? Why do I feel this love for God? For my savior, Jesus? For the holy spirit that guides me? Is it because I have some kind of special feature to me? Absolutely NOT. Over and over again, Jesus opens and reopens my eyes to the fact that "We love because He first loved us." There is nothing good in me that enables me to love Him, or anybody, apart from His initial and continued love for me.

I love Jesus first and foremost because of the gospel.
because of what He did for me by shedding His blood in place of my own.
because of how desperate I am a part from him, but how He breathes pure life into me when I fix my gaze on Him.
because of How nothing in Him is tainted....that He is pure and Holy, and worthy of my trust.
because no matter how far I remove my mind from Him, when  His spirit pulllls me back, He has not changed.
He has not waivered.
He is still the Jesus who died for me, and wants me, and forgives me, and cleanses me, and EMPOWERS me to not run from Him again but TO HIM.

My walk with Jesus is the hardest but SWEETEST part of my life. It's hard to trust Him when I am uncertain, and turn from wrong things that are just coated with appealing aspects, and keep Him first in my heart. But it's so so sweet because I always wind up looking back and saying "Jesus, you really did know what you were doing." And He always does. And He always will.
He's faithful.

Love you, my sweet Jesus.

-Jillian

diggin' this today :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bCMrvreS_k

People

Most days I'm surrounded by people and I don't give them much thought. They're just there, and I'm there, and we pass by or we sit next to each other in class, or what have you. But there a days where Jesus gives me this new outlook on people and it consists of 2 things.

1. I am no better than any of them.
2. Jesus loves them deeply.

When I think about that, it changes the way I live. The way I think. My Christian walk SO easily becomes so about ME. "Jesus loves me despite of , and inspite of, myself. He knows the hairs on my head! I am so blessed! I am so thankful!". All these things are true, and awesome, and amazing, and help me praise God. But I rarely remember that there a billions and billions of people around the world, tons of people throughout my day, that  Jesus knows just as intimately and loves just as much and cares about them (even if they don't care about Him). It radically changes me when I remember this because If I am to be like Christ, then I need Him to help me love people in that way too. To care for people in that way too. To have my heart broken by that which breaks God's too. I really love people, and I really need to love them more. It's a constant process that reminds me

1. I'm desperate without Jesus and
2. I'm incapable of GENUINELY loving others a part from Him.

on another note, I hung out with Julia and Amy Saunders last night at the boys track meet, and can I just say, they are two of the most fun people to hang out with, ever.

and also, Valentines day is in two days, and I am blessed with the best valentine a girl could ask for.  And I get to see him in 13 days :) miss you geoffrey james!