Why?

So I'm in Maine right now visiting my boyfriend Geoffrey. It's so exciting to be here. Most of all, it's a blessing to get to just hang out with him and his friends and church family for the week. But it's also a really cool time to "get away" from home and my thoughts and busyness (sp?). He's at work right now till 9, so it gave me some time to spend with my Jesus.

Seriously, I love Jesus. There is so much in my life I have to be thankful for and there are things and people that are  just amazing treasures to me. But when I really think about my life, and evaluate the stages I've been through, and in, and just everything....the SWEETEST times in my life are those spent with Him. I'm just completely in love with my King Jesus.

but why? Why do I feel this love for God? For my savior, Jesus? For the holy spirit that guides me? Is it because I have some kind of special feature to me? Absolutely NOT. Over and over again, Jesus opens and reopens my eyes to the fact that "We love because He first loved us." There is nothing good in me that enables me to love Him, or anybody, apart from His initial and continued love for me.

I love Jesus first and foremost because of the gospel.
because of what He did for me by shedding His blood in place of my own.
because of how desperate I am a part from him, but how He breathes pure life into me when I fix my gaze on Him.
because of How nothing in Him is tainted....that He is pure and Holy, and worthy of my trust.
because no matter how far I remove my mind from Him, when  His spirit pulllls me back, He has not changed.
He has not waivered.
He is still the Jesus who died for me, and wants me, and forgives me, and cleanses me, and EMPOWERS me to not run from Him again but TO HIM.

My walk with Jesus is the hardest but SWEETEST part of my life. It's hard to trust Him when I am uncertain, and turn from wrong things that are just coated with appealing aspects, and keep Him first in my heart. But it's so so sweet because I always wind up looking back and saying "Jesus, you really did know what you were doing." And He always does. And He always will.
He's faithful.

Love you, my sweet Jesus.

-Jillian