Beautifully Broken

Before I write, forgive me. Because I haven't written in a while and as a dental hygiene student, I find that when I try to write a formal type of anything, I struggle immensely because I'm so used to writing little "cliff-notes" and no full sentences.  I even find myself skipping words when talking sometimes...Sounds weird, but it's so true! I miss the days where I could just flow in my writing. Curse you, Dental hygiene school. (just kiddin ;)

Lately I've been going through a lot with Jesus and feel the need to kind of let some of it out. By "going through a lot", I don't mean I'm going through turmoil or some type of big struggle, but I guess I just mean He is growing me, teaching me, and proving himself faithful (like always) in a very significant way lately. Tonight at church I really just felt broken. But not in a negative way, rather in a refreshing way. In a way that brings me to a place where I realize I really cannot do any of this life on my own. Between college, relationships, family-life, and just everything, it's so easy to get into this mode where I'm all "I got this." It never lasts long though, because when I don't put Jesus first and let him guide me every day, I feel it. I get overwhelmed and the weakest parts of me come out. Next to the gospel, one of the most significant truth's in my life is this:
                  "If you aren't filling your life with truth, you will be filled with lies."
I can't exactly quote that because I've heard it in many different ways, from many different people. But regardless, it is ridiculously true. I could use so many examples here but I'm just going to keep it in general for now. I realize more and more that if I'm not letting God's truth and hope fill me up on a daily basis, not only am I not going to grow, but I'm not going to stay in one place either. I'm going to reverse (for lack of a better word..). I'm impatient, unkind, easily angered, selfish (very), and I believe lies that, when I look back on them after refreshing my heart in Jesus, I wonder why I even spent so much of my heart and time on them.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who makes us new continually. I'm so thankful I serve a God who never gives up on me. and I'm so very thankful I serve a God who meets me where I'm at (like He did tonight), refreshes my heart, and reminds me that when I'm beautifully broken in his hands, I'm right where I should be.

Learning that no, "I don't got this.",
Jillian

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge HIM. and He will direct your paths.